In Death I Trust

I have contemplated suicide too many times for the past nearly year and a half. On Monday 19/11/2012 I seriously attempted suicide for the third time and it was my second overdose. It’s the first time I am in hospital even though my previous attempts were more severe but I called for help and I am being kept under observation.
I have trouble in real life too but I loved and appreciated some people on Tumblr who eventually said that they want me to commit suicide and that they’re glad I’m gone. Moreover after I posted that I am in hospital due to intentional overdose, people who said they care for me only a few hours before, unfollowed me. They’re giving me the message that I am not needed alive.
And so when I get out of here, I am going to do it again. This time with more pills and no help. I was such a pussy on Monday. Phoned for help just because I was feeling nauseous.
The pain of being uncared for and ridiculed is much worse. I need to end it once and for all.
I am sorry for not keeping my promise dear Ben, but I’m not strong. Wish I told you how I really feel about you - how much I love you.

I tried to be happy but people seem to enjoy seeing me sad so they brought me down again.

All I have ever wanted was just one single friend. I cherish the few kind messages I have received. I received more hatred than kindness, but for a long time kindness ruled out hatred. But now I’ve had more than enough. I know I am not perfect, but why wouldn’t people keep their promises and stay? People make promises that they won’t hurt me like others do, but they end up doing so even after they make me believe that I can trust them. I have been called a liar, a bitch and a lot of other things but nothing hurts me more than the people who I loved the most telling me to commit suicide.

I guess that time is near now. I hope this time it will be over. I had enough of heartbreaking stuff over and over.